Men and Their Holistic Wellbeing: Beyond the Silence and Expectations
Men's wellbeing. Now here is a conversation worth having!
We sometimes talk about men being strong, dependable, protective and sometimes rather good at insisting they do not need directions, or heaven forbid instructions 😉but beyond all those expectations, how often do we stop to consider what wellbeing actually looks and feels like for men themselves?
November brings us Movember, a month dedicated to raising awareness of men's health, alongside International Men's Day on 19 November. Both offer an opportunity to turn our attention towards men and their wellbeing, although I would hope these conversations continue long after the moustaches have disappeared!
We often hear about the importance of looking after our mental health, but when it comes to men, I wonder whether we sometimes overlook the wider picture, after all, our wellbeing is not simply about how we feel emotionally - it is also about our physical health, relationships, sense of purpose, social connections and how we experience everyday life.
And men, just like everyone else, have their own struggles going on beneath the surface.
The Weight of Being Strong
From an early age, many boys can grow up hearing messages about what it means to be a man. "Be strong", "be brave", "do not cry", "stand on your own two feet" and "learn to sort things out for yourself" and of course, there is nothing wrong with encouraging strength, independence or resilience. These can be wonderful qualities. However, I do wonder what happens when being strong... becomes an expectation rather than a choice.
For some men, there can be considerable pressure to provide, protect, achieve and remain dependable, even when life feels anything but manageable. And while we may admire the man who seems to have everything under control, how often do we consider what it might be costing him to maintain that appearance?
Strength and vulnerability are not opposites - A man can be capable, confident and resilient while also experiencing sadness, uncertainty, loneliness or fear - so perhaps we need to make more room for both.
Beyond The Silence - When Silence Speaks
I am always curious about how our experiences of being listened to, understood and supported can influence the way we connect with others. This is just as relevant to men who openly express their feelings as it is to those who prefer to keep certain things to themselves.
For some men, meaningful conversations happen while walking, driving, enjoying a shared activity or spending time with friends. For others, sitting down and having a conversation feels perfectly natural.
In my own private practice, working with male clients, I recognise that there can be differences in how individuals experience the therapeutic relationship. For example, some men may feel more comfortable sitting slightly to the side rather than directly opposite me. What matters to me is not assuming how someone should communicate, but being curious about what helps them feel at ease. Sometimes a small adjustment to the physical space or the way we sit together can make a difference to how comfortable someone feels opening up.
This also reminds me that emotional connection does not always begin with a conversation about feelings. It can develop through trust, familiarity and knowing that we can be ourselves without feeling judged. And just as importantly, allowing people to communicate, in their own time.
The Mental Health Foundation and Samaritans have both highlighted the importance of understanding the barriers some men experience when seeking emotional support.
It is worth remembering that listening is not always about having the right advice. Sometimes it is about allowing someone the space and pace, to speak openly.
Looking After the Whole Man
Of course, holistic wellbeing involves much more than talking about feelings.
Physical health deserves attention too, particularly when we consider how easily everyday responsibilities can take priority over looking after ourselves.
Movember raises awareness of mental health and suicide prevention alongside prostate and testicular cancer. These are important conversations, although I suspect many of us know someone who would happily avoid any sort of GP visit!
There is also something to be said for the everyday things that support wellbeing. Getting enough rest, enjoying physical activity, maintaining friendships, having interests outside work and finding time for ourselves can all contribute to our overall wellbeing. What matters is recognising our individual needs and making choices that support us physically, psychologically, emotionally and socially.
A Final Thought
Ultimately, looking after our holistic wellbeing is something we all have a part to play in. And for the men reading this, perhaps there is an opportunity to reflect on your own wellbeing - Not simply whether you are managing everything that needs doing, but whether you are making enough room for yourself within it all.
So, as we sit in November, I will leave you with two questions:
To the men reading this, what does looking after your whole wellbeing really mean to you?
And to everyone else, how can we encourage the men in our lives to take an active role in their own wellbeing while recognising when they may need our understanding and support?
References informing this blog:
Mental Health Foundation: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/men-and-mental-health
Movember: https://movember.com/
International Men's Day UK: https://ukmensday.org.uk/
At Athena Mentors CIC, we offer holistic counselling and psychotherapy services, for women, children and young people.
📩 To find out more visit athenamentors.co.uk